Viewing Football In Real Time

I like football.  Don’t love it, but like it.  Last year I dreamt that the Packers and Vikings played to a zero-zero tie in regulation, only to have the Packers win in overtime (unfortunately it wasn't prophetic), and I guess one could argue that dreaming about football signifies an unhealthy obsession, but it rarely comes to that.  More often than not, I can’t even watch the games I want to watch.  Personal and familial responsibilities aside, I don’t have TIVO or any other digital recording device for my TV.  This kind of makes sense because I don’t have cable either, and each time a 747 flies over my house en route to O’Hare (about every 40 seconds) the picture on my 24 inch TV pixelates and briefly goes blank.  A digital recording certainly wouldn’t mollify the nauseating effect of not knowing the outcome of a play-action pass, so what would be the point?

My neighbor, however, has a large flat-screen TV with all the fixings, and last night I joined him to watch the Packers-Bears game digitally (with humiliating results).

“This is great,” he said.  “You can watch a three hour game in forty-five minutes.” 

And we did.  We skipped all the pregame talking heads, the Star-Spangled Banner, the replays, the commercials, the cheerleaders and the half-time show highlights.  And you know what?  Something was missing, and I’m not just talking about the Packers’ defense in the fourth quarter.  Fast-forwarding sapped the game of all its majesty, however puffed up that might be.  It saved some time, to be sure, but at what cost?

I admit it.  I happen to like the pregame show that features guys who spend way, way too much time thinking about football.  And I like hearing the National Anthem no matter how poorly it’s sung.  I like the predictions and formulaic questions on the sidelines and equally formulaic answers.  It all adds to the suspenseful buildup required to make the game something more than just your average TV-viewing experience. 

During the game, I like hearing the guys in the booth overanalyze a challenge call and repeat the phrase “indisputable visual evidence” countless times (and then explain the meaning of the phrase for their mentally-challenged viewers).  I like the commercials, which seem to signal a Pavlovian impulse to crack open another beer.  And I like the replays so that I can watch Aaron Rodgers thread the needle one more time.  And the cheerleaders?  Well, I like them too.

I like it all. 

Heck, in my young adult life, Monday Night Football was a full five hour event.  But forty-five minutes?  That’s the equivalent of fast-food: it sounds good beforehand, but it always fails to satisfy.

Everything else in life is rushed.  Football viewing should be an exception.  And so should Mike McCarthy’s predilection to waste a timeout by challenging an official ruling that has no chance of being overturned.

Descending Half-Steps

The human ear likes to hear descending half-steps (a half-step is the smallest interval between notes,  e.g., going from C to B or G to G flat).  I don’t know the science behind it, but something about descending notes pleases us.  Last month I spoke about how artists commonly use descending major scales in music, but descending half-steps are no less commonly used. 

In my search for examples for descending half-steps, the clear-cut victor is the guitar work by Jesse Harris on “Don’t Know Why,” a hit from Norah Jones’s 2002 album, Come Away With Me (Jesse also composed the song).  On this song, in the key of B-flat, the guitar descends from the major 7th (the note A) all the way down to the major third (D).  A full fifth!  It’s one of those classic examples of “less is more,” a perfect selection of just the write notes.

Give a listen.

Don't Know Why

Norah Jones

Descending half-steps are used in shorter runs all the time.  Some songs that come to mind are Eric Clapton's "Tears In Heaven," Radiohead's "Paranoid Android," "My Way" - made famous by Frank Sinatra - and nearly every jazz song ever written.  It's just one more thing to consider when listening to or performing music. 

Well-Hung (a short grammar lesson)

When I was young, I used the words dove and hung, as in, “I dove in the water,” and “I hung the picture on the wall.”

More and more lately, I’ve seen the words dived and hanged, especially in print, and I wondered if I’ve been saying it incorrectly all these years or if the words have gradually transformed due to common usage (will “irregardless” one day be considered a word?  Probably).

A little research in my handy dictionary (and on-line just to confirm) allowed me to learn the following:

With dive, both dived and dove are considered acceptable past tense verbs.  Dived is the earlier form, but the newer form of dove echoes words such as flung (past tense of fling) and drove (past tense of drive).  (thanks to our scuba diving brethren for this little insight – click here)

As for hang, hung is the proper past tense verb in every case except with executions, as in “He was hanged until he was dead.”  (click here)

Who knew?

Another interesting transformation: when I was young, it was pounded into our little brains again and again that we should say, for example, “Paul and I are going to the store,” not “Paul and me…”  This lesson appears to have been stressed so vehemently that now many people have gone to the other extreme, using “I” when “me” should be used, as in, “He went to the store with Paul and I.”  (It should be "me.")

And in the interest of marital harmony, it should be noted that correcting one’s wife about the aforementioned ill-use of “me” is ill-advised.

New Song, "Two For The Price Of One"

Here's a new tune you can download, Two For The Price Of One, written for my daughters' b'not mitzvah.  Enjoy!  And thanks to Anthony Calderisi for his lead guitar work.

Two For The Price of One

Paul Heinz

Two For The Price Of One

There's a feeling, that you're on to something good

This bears repeating

You're on to something good

And as you get there, you can be assured

We've got your backside covered darlings

You are the priceless culmination

A linkage in a chain of generations

Two for the price of one, and look what you've become

Two for the price of one, the journey's just begun

There are moments when I can't believe my eyes

My mind is reeling

Do you ever get this feeling?

'Cuz I remember only yesterday

You twirled your summer dresses darlings

You are the sum of our ambitions

A journey from the past to new traditions

Two for the price of one, sometimes I'm overcome by

  Two for the price of one, something's just begun