Blog — Paul Heinz

Paul Heinz

Original Fiction, Music and Essays

A Lyrical Education

The power of rock and roll, a force long acknowledged by astute listeners, may be broader than many had originally believed.  It seems that in addition to providing us with enjoyment, empathy and inspiration, rock and roll can also play a critical role in our education, a thought that occurred to me recently after witnessing my daughter’s defeat in a hard-fought game of Scrabble.  An unused “Q” left her with a ten-point deduction, a tough lesson for an eleven year-old, but it reminded me of another Scrabble contest from long ago.

In this particular match, my mother held a slim lead over my brother, who was having difficulty using his letter Z.  He couldn’t manage any of the usual words – zoo, zone, zip – in the crowded board of letters, but after pondering his predicament for a moment, he turned to his old friend rock and roll.  “I got it!” he shouted, and placed two letters on the board.  “F-E-Z.  Fez.  Double word score – thirty points!”   

He had no idea what the word meant, but he’d heard it on a recently acquired album by Steely Dan.  To prove it to my mother, he took out the album, The Royal Scam, and spun it on the turntable.  There was Donald Fagen singing, “I’m never gonna do it without the fez on.”  (a fez is a rimless hat, the kind Sydney Greenstreet wore in Casablanca).   

My mother, a fierce competitor, was no match against the power of rock and roll. Upon reflection, I now realize that fez was only one of probably hundreds of words I was introduced to as a child through music.  For better or for worse, rock lyrics helped educate me.  Words I’d never heard before – or at least never considered – crept into my consciousness in parallel to my musical immersion.  Just a cursory stroll through my memory highlights some of the words that were unknown to me before music: 

 Cynical – from Supertramp’s “The Logical Song” 

 Elusive – from Rush’s “The Spirit Of Radio” 

 Elude – from Pink Floyd’s “In The Flesh” 

 Coy – from Paul Simon’s “Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover” 

 Melancholy – from Moody Blues’ “Melancholy Man” 

The list could go on and on.   

But in addition to expanding my vocabulary, lyrics helped educate me on other matters, providing an impetus for future explorations.  The Police exposed me to the author Nabakov.  The Alan Parson’s Project clued me into Edgar Allan Poe.  Rush inspired me to read Mark Twain and Ernest Hemmingway.  10,000 Maniacs introduced me to Jack Kerouac and the other beat writers.  It was as if rock and roll helped to fill in the gaping holes left by my educators. 

Music also helped enhance my proficiency with sexual phrases. Over time, I began to understand what “sugar walls,” “spread your wings,” “every inch of my love,” “red light,” and “love gun” implied, and other words entered my vocabulary.  In a family where the talk of sex was just short of taboo, music played an important role in helping me grow a bit more confident on the topic of sex by mastering its nomenclature, if not its practice.   

Lyrics even put the fear of God into me, albeit briefly.  In the 80s, the world of music couldn’t stop talking about bands hiding satanic messages in their songs, and my friend and I wore out record needles trying to decipher the backward messages in “Stairway To Heaven” and “Hotel California.”  State legislators apparently ruined a few needles of their own, for a bill was introduced in California to prevent subliminal messages that could “turn us into disciples of the Antichrist.”  I’m sure the taxpayers of California appreciated that.   

I guess the talk of Satan got to me eventually, for in high school I attended a pastor’s lecture at a local church on the topic of “Lyrics In Rock Music.”  The pastor, a decrepit, old man who probably considered Sony and Cher children of Satan, preached to the kids in the audience and warned them to guard their souls against the evils of rock and roll.  He was particularly critical of a Pink Floyd song I owned, “Sheep,” whose lyrics included a rather brutal version of Psalm 23 (“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…”), and I left the lecture feeling doomed.     

When I came home, my mother asked how things went.   

 “Fine,” I said.  “I’m going to hell.” 

She could have said something poetic, something about how the moral compass of a person comes from the inside, or some such message.   Instead, she simply said, “Don’t worry about it.  You’re a good kid.”  And it was exactly the right thing to say.   

I continued to listen to whatever I wanted, and grew up to be a reasonably decent person.  Today, my children enjoy a lot of the same music I listened to as a kid, and we’ve added other artists to our play lists who would no doubt have been the subject of the rock-hating pastor’s scorn years ago (something tells me the irony of Ben Folds’ “Satan Is My Master” would have been lost on this guy).

Now as I approach middle-age, music continues to shape me.  Just recently I listened to a Jason Mraz song called “Butterfly” – a sexually explicit tune that I must admit made me feel a little uneasy when first listening to it with my daughters – and I heard the word “vivify,” a word meaning “to bring to life” or “to animate.”  What a great word!  Rock and roll continues, ever so slowly, to educate me.   

And I can’t wait to use it on a triple word score.  



Friendship Bread Givers: You Ain't No Friends of Mine

On Joe Jackson’s debut album, he scoffs at couples who make finding love look easy, because he knows it to be a painful, confidence-shattering process.  He sings over and over at the song’s end, “You ain’t no friends of mine.”  I’d like to borrow this sentiment and extend the ridicule to all those who gleefully hand out practically empty Ziplock bags to friends and say in a sweet and giving voice, “Here’s a homemaking kit of Amish friendship bread!”  They say it as if they’re the kindest, most warm-hearted individuals on the planet, but the truth is out and it’s beginning to spread: these are actually mean-spirited people who exult in the false hopes and misfortunes of others.

I recently had the honor of receiving the “Friendship Treatment” from Jan, who en route to her yoga class had stopped by to offer me a bag filled with a thick, beige liquid along with a printout of instructions.  “It’s a ten-day process, and we’re already on day four, so enjoy!” she said, practically skipping back to her van, certain that she’d helped to spread a little sunshine in my dim world, and I admit that initially I was flattered: someone had made bread for me!  How thoughtful.  How quaint.  Sure, I bake my own bread every Friday, but this was from a friend (or so I thought) and it involved a process invented by Amish people whose women all like Kelly McGillis and who want nothing but peace, love and understanding.  What could be wrong with that? 

For those who haven’t been indoctrinated into the world of Amish friendship bread, let me explain: the process is basically a pyramid scheme without the financial liabilities.  You start with a few ingredients and mix them in a Ziplock bag.  For the next ten days, you squeeze the bag once a day and add a few ingredients on day six.  Along the way, the concoction ferments and the bag expands.  It’s kind of a cool process, provoking the same scientific fascination one might get from brewing beer at home. 

On day ten, you add more ingredients and divide the mix into four different containers.  One of these will result in two loaves of bread for yourself.  The other three are to be distributed to three friends who will repeat the process, and so on, until every man, woman and child on a planet of six billion has prepared, baked and eaten two yummy loaves of bread.  I have no idea why this process is considered Amish, except that it doesn’t entail any refrigeration or mechanical devices (but what bread-baking process does, unless you’ve continued to use the bread machine you received as a wedding gift back in the 90s?).   

So fine, the whole idea is nice, and my children enjoyed squeezing the bag each day, and I had no trouble adding milk, flour and sugar on day six.  So far so good.  It wasn’t until day ten that I realized just what a scam this bread-making business is.  I learned that none of the previous nine days had been necessary at all, because I now had to empty practically every bag, box and bottle in my cupboard to finish the process.  

Here is the list of ingredients I needed to add on day ten: 

Sugar 

Milk 

Flour 

Oil 

MORE sugar 

Vanilla 

Eggs 

Baking powder 

Salt 

MORE flour 

MORE milk 

Baking soda 

Instant vanilla pudding mix 

Cinnamon 

I’m serious.  Someone had handed me a Ziplock bag and all I needed to do to bake two loaves of bread was add enough ingredients to feed the entire Amish population nationwide.  I’d basically fallen for the Amish version of the story, “Stone Soup,” in which a man tricks a community to cook a big vat of soup by asking each citizen to add his or her own ingredient, except I happened to be a community of one in this version of the story.  I have half a mind to give my friend a Ziplock bag filled with water and say, “Here’s a bag of Amish Friendship Soup.  Enjoy!” 

So please, no offense to the Amish, or the idea of friendship or the makers of Jello-brand instant vanilla pudding, but I’ll pass on this charming and sadistic tradition in the future.  You want to be a friend?  Bring a six-pack of Guinness over sometime, and if you really must include something baked, offer me your thoughts on achieving world peace.



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